Its hard when you want to help someone but cant seem to find any true and logical ways to do so. And it is hard when there seems to be so many obstacles in your way.
Being asked, "What plan do you have for your family," or "What plan do you have yourself" is hard to answer esp when throughout your whole life "family" plans were never made to be followed through or let to follow through. All I can really do is wait and see, even though I hate waiting. My brothers plan to help my father is great, but how is that going to be played through. My father cant work because he is to sick to and so my brother will have to work even harder. And I believe he doesn't have a large budget as it is.
Being asked about my own plans. Well the only thing I can do is sit and wait. Continue my education and see if there is anyway I can help my brother and father.
But still, it is sooo hard. Seeing him in this state, and being almost powerless in helping. And its hard when I have tried to help but it still wasnt enough. I am so curious as to the plan my brother has. How is he going to support dad. And he probably wont let me in because he thinks that my prime and only focus should be on school. Keeping me out of the loop once again. But I wont sit by watching, and he knows that. I just dont know exactly what I CAN do.
About Me
- Asuka飛鳥 Nosaka野坂
- Ft Collins, Colorado, United States
- I am now a Senior at Colorado State University and I am an Ethnic Studies major minoring in Sociology. I am a Ethnic Studies major because I wish to create change in this country and to have an impact on my community.
2 comments:
Hey so I've been doing a lot of thinking... And i'm still digesting everything you've told me, so please, don't hesitate to correct me if I'm wrong or if I make assumptions that i shouldn't make.
There were a few problems that I zoned in on that seemed to bother you the most. One was negotiating everything you've been taught about your father through your family and what you've learned about you father first hand. Not only does some of it correlate, but there's also a lot of confusion too. It seems to me that both things keep you from wanting to see your father. And I also think shame has a lot to do with it. I got the feeling that you didn't want to say it but it was on the tip of your tongue. You don't want to see your dad because a part of you is ashamed of him. But that gets complicated because you love him. Add the layer of your brother's using and abusing him and you have a formula for an incredible amount of pain if you ever put yourself in that situation.
Another issue that I felt was understated is drugs. Would your fam have gone through the same thing if drugs were involved? One thing I think you could do is find tools to intervene. The hypocrisy and manipulation of your brother's actually surprised me, and it takes a lot for me to be taken back by people's actions these days. I think someone needs to stand up to them. I think your family was broken after your parents divorced. By your brothers. Just from hearing your side of the story, they made a lot of family breaking decisions and no one held them accountable. Your father is the scapegoat for your families miscommunications.
And when you said your family sucks at communication, its hard to communicate when you can't contact them directly. I feel like your family is leaderless. No one seems to be able to really rely on each other. if any one family member falters, everyone should be able to and want to help (and i think this is the role that Sky is trying fulfill). So for example, if your mom gets sick, everyone should be able to get down and help her. But no one tells you if she's sick (ie having a heart attack) so how can you help? That's a break in the support network. I wonder if anyone would tell you if your dad died. I think that thought alone should encourage you to find some reliable line of communication with someone in your family that will keep you updated on everything right when it happens, not 2 weeks after it happens. You don't have that, cuz even your sister didn't tell you about your mom's heart attack.
If you can make your entire family understand how badly they are hurting themselves when they are withholding information, turning a blind eye to the drug abuse, and blaming your father for all their problems, i think you'd be on some sort of track toward family stability. I think you're entirely capable of being the family leader. but you shouldn't be the only one. the family should all be leaders. And this isn't an overnight solution. its going to be a long, painful journey. you have to break the cycle of something that's been going on for your whole life.
You're right about it being really really hard. But i PROMISE to be there for you and help whenever you ask for it
Let me know if i am completely off base... I think some of this might be way off. But i just had to put it out there...
I am not ashamed of my father. The only reason I hesitate is because when I see him in the stage that he is currently in, it hurts you know. I put everything I had against him in the past and I have forgave him and learned to love him.
And I know where you are coming from when you say we have to establish some sense of communication. It has gotten somewhat better esp wit me and my mom. That also comes with the fact that we got closer wit our relationship. But there is still work to be done to do so. I try to keep in contact with my brothers, but it is really hard. So sometimes I just wait for them to call me. I don't really know how to solve it because almost everyone in my family are to stubborn to actually try.
I got an email back from my brother who said he will be back in Denver around the end of this month. He did not tell me more but said he will fill me in when something happens.
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