I hate when those I love pass away... They just make me miss all of those I have lost recently. I lost a friend from amtgard. Me and him werent the closest but we were still friends. The ties amtgard gives to people are strong. We feel eachothers pain.
Now I have to remember how it feels. The utter stab in the hear. I miss Jawsh, I lost him a few months ago. I want to scream, I hate this feeling. No I am afraid of this feeling. I can not stand what it bring and how I hurt. The more I remember the pain, the more the memories come back.
I miss Ashleigh, Johhny, Steve, Ryan, Justin Jr, all of them. I don't want to deal with it. But I have to. It is just so hard.
It is even harder when you are a caring person and feel the emotions from those around you. They hurt and so do I.
Always at the worse times. I am tired of it. I do not want to cry. But still... I am emotionless as I sit writing this, it hasn't hit me yet. But it will.
Give me strength.
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