Dad: Loss of Sleep

Life has been kinda crazy these first few days of the New Year. I already have so many things going on, and one of them is taking a lot of sleep from my nights. My older brother Sky told me that my fathers health condition is getting really bad, his diabetes and Prostate cancer have him at a point where he is delusional and not doing very well. He doesn't work so he has no income, and has no insurance. He lives with my older brother Falcon and his fiance, and they live off of food stamps which do not accomidate those with diabetes, so he isnt eating well.

Through as long as I can remember, my father has been very sick and for the past 10 years I have watched my father slowly die right before my eyes. It is a mystery that he has lived this far. I really don't know how to feel, I am worried. The past few years his condition didnt get worse so I wasn't too concerned, but after what Sky told me, I am soooooooo worried and scared. My father has never been a huge part of my life, but I am again at the point where I wake up every morning wondering and worrying.

It is even harder when I do not know who to turn to, who will understand. Or even wanting to talk to someone about this because this topic is my most vulnerable topic I can talk about. I have always wanted my dad to be part of my life, but as fate had it, that was not going to be the case. I don't know who will understand that every time I see my father, his physical state is the HARDEST thing to ever face. To see the life slowly be drained from his face, how fragile he has become, SCARES the shit out of me.

I try to ignore it, but that wont make the situation any better. But I don't really want to talk to anyone about it, or I tell myself that, because it is a very hard thing for me to voice...