This is me, open, exposed, truthful.

You say I am beautiful, and I know I am but there has been many ugly things in my life, that build up and slowly break me down. And through all this i continue to find myself alone, catching the broken pieces.

Some days I view myself as the most powerful woman I know, other I see how fragile my heart really is. You say I am beautiful, but you have proven to me that you can't deal with those inner demons, and I have battling them alone.

The image of myself is broken, for years I have had a battle with my own body, there are days where I look at myself and see that I am bruides, broke, and used. Ive been raped, sexually assaulted, and I have let men use me because I was so obsessed with being loved. I have nightmares of that night my body was violated and wake up crying. I have father issues, and I am depressive, but I have learned to smile and push through.

I cry when I am mad, stressed, upset, exhausted. I have opened up to people, and they have completely pushed me away.

The Only time in my life now that I feel loved is when my 2 yr old nephew says Auntie Suki, I lub you! Every time he says that I just wanna cry. My family is very reserved with their emotions and my mother told me she loved me the first time in my whole LIFE last year. My family is broken but those I am in contact with I LOVE UNCONDITIONALLY.

I am hung up on ONE guy I would give my unconditional love to. I would marry in a heartbeat and take his last name (two things I said I would NEVER do). And he is one of the only people that I have felt so comfortable and safe having sex with. The memories of being abused don't flood back...And I WISH I could just give that up so I could be with someone who I feel really appreciates me and still tells me after everything, that I am still beautiful, still worth it, still his number one. But I can't because my heart knows what it wants.