Taking Care of Myself

This is a Letter I sent to someone who I did care a lot about...


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So, Elliot and I had a very good conversation last night, and he mentioned how he talked to you. He brought up some good points that I think he is dead on about. I think him telling you that you need to detach yourself from me is a good idea, especially if I am going to get over my feeling for you. He got the feeling that you don’t want to pursue anything remotely serious with me, and since that is the case then I need to drop my emotions for you. I know you didn’t want to seem like a dick and avoid me, but that is not what I am saying you do. We can still hang out every once in a while, but if you were truly going to try and hang out, I think I need some time because I don’t want to be given false hope that you like me in that manner.

I know I am alright with our situation before all this, and I understand why you felt bad about putting me through that. But I couldn’t help but develop feelings towards you because you have the qualities that I have been looking for in someone. But right now (correct me if I am wrong),but there isn’t much I can gain out of our situation. And if this is the case, I really need to shed these feelings for you.

I know you said you wanted to be an ally and support for me, but Elliot brought up a good point in the fact that I don’t need you to get through this. I am strong enough to get past this and Elliot reminded me that last night. He also mentioned that us trying to hang out all the time before I get over you, will just make this harder on myself. I need to detach myself from wanting to confide in you and talk to you about what is happening in my life until I drop these feeling for you and I am able to move on.

I understand that you don’t know if you want anything serious, but I know that you don’t want to have anything serious with me and because of that I feel that we shouldn’t even try to go down that path. It shouldn’t be that hard and complicated to figure out what you want out of a person, and I feel like our situation was just confusing to you. Don’t worry, I don’t feel rejected anymore, it is kind of hard to feel rejected when you were never really wanted in that way to begin with. But I think that this is the best. I need to shed these emotions, so I can, in return, be a good friend to you and so you won’t have to worry if you are leading me on, going to hurt me, etc. I know you struggled with a lot, and you wanted to share certain things with that special someone, I want you to be able to find that special someone and me having feelings for you when you might find someone who provided you that feeling when I couldn't would just hurt me more.

So let me heal, we can hang out some, but not a lot until I get over you. Because hanging on and wishing that maybe something might happen and we do develop that bond of friendship and intimacy wont end well on my part.

You are a good guy Jordan, and this experience will be both a learning experience for the both of us. But I can't keep holding onto something that I know will never happen. I know you wanted to see if we could develop those bonds and incorporate that intimacy part back in, but I feel like that is something your heart should already know....And if it doesn't I can't keep getting my hopes up and putting this strain on my heart.

If you want to talk about this let me know, but I figured this would have been WAY to big for a txt...